A Perfect Omelette

This morning, I made a perfect omelette. It was fluffy and beautifully browned (some people don't think they should be browned at all, a la French omelettes, but I think they are fools) and had the perfect amount of cheese in it. To make a perfect omelette is a small thing. To marry the person who can appreciate it as much as you do is one of the greatest gifts.

It totally stinks that Ben is working this morning and won't be done working until 11pm because he's taking one for Team B-R and working more than anyone should.

It has never been the big things that teach us how to feast, and it is never the big things that teach us how to fall in love. Feasting, like falling in love, takes practice. Ben and I had no idea what we were doing when we started dating 15 years ago and weren't much farther along when we were married 9 years ago; we had no idea how to cook, no idea what spending half of our lives together would look like and no idea that it was actually all of the detours along the path that make the journey worth it.

We're still not really sure what we are doing, but we can make a mean omelette. Satis est.

Perfect Omelette for One:

2 eggs

2T milk

1/4c of whatever cheese you happen to have laying around

a pinch of salt

a pinch of pepper

freshly grated nutmeg if you dare

fresh herbs if they're around (skip the dried ones; they don't have enough time to meld in dishes that cook fast...)

Heat 1T butter in a cast-iron skillet over medium heat (assuming you have a gas stove... you can make a passable omelette without a gast stove and without a cast iron skillet, but it is difficult to achieve perfection). Whisk together the egg and milk using a circular motion (imagine the circle is vertical instead of horizontal; it will add more air to the mixture and improve the texture). Add the salt, pepper, and herbs. Pour the mixture into the hot skillet. Wait a few minutes until the outsides start to solidify. With a rubber spatula, push back the eggs closest to you and tip the pan toward you so that the un-done egg flows in. Do this once or twice. If your omelette starts to get too done on the bottom, turn down the heat. When there is no more liquid, put the cheese on top of the egg. Swoop the rubber spatula under half of the pan, gently folding the omelette over. Voila!

More importantly: To make a perfect omelette for two, double all of the ingredients and get a bigger pan. And make hollandaise sauce. And open a bottle of rose. 

Perfect Omelette for Two with Hollandaise:

For the Omelette:

4 eggs

1/4c milk

Skip the cheese for this one; the hollandaise will do.

1/2c. asparagus, quickly blanched (see below)

a pinch of salt

a pinch of pepper

Julia Child's Hollandaise from The French Chef Cookbook (As I was doing the link to Amazon, I noticed there are used ones for under $10. Buy it now; you won't regret it.)

3 egg yolks

1T lemon juice

1T water

1/4t salt

pinch of white pepper (we use whatever color we happen to have on-hand)

1T cold butter

1 1/2-2 sticks melted butter (if you are squeamish about using this much butter or if you have margarine in your fridge, skip the hollandaise altogether. Feasting is not for the faint of heart.)

Beat the egg yolks in the pan (before you turn on the heat) to stabilize them and prepare them for what is to come. When the color of the yolks starts to lighten, you know they are ready to be transcended into  perfection. Beat in the lemon juice, water, salt, and pepper; beat for a minute again. Add the tablespoon of cold butter to prevent the mixture from heating too quickly (which will scramble your eggs, which is a sign you need to start over. Having two dozen eggs on hand before you begin this process will help alleviate frustration and increase your bravery; it is worth a few more eggs in the compost to make perfect hollandaise). 

Place the saucepan over low (I mean it - LOW!) heat and stir the egg yolks with a wire whip at a moderate speed. Pick the pan up off the heat every now and again to slow the cooking process. If you see lumps forming, you can put the bottom of the pan in a bath of ice water, as Julia suggests, but I am too easily frustrated and get an immense amount of pleasure out of the theatrics of dumping a failed sauce in the compost and starting again. 

Know thyself and respond accordingly if the sauce starts to flop. For me, there is nothing quite like taking a pan of steaming flop and ceremoniously walking outside, opening the lid to the compost and, with a flick of the wrist, dumping the whole thing in. You have not failed it; it has failed you.

Back to the eggs. This is the version of the story where the eggs do not begin to scramble and you have a perfect sauce. Beat the eggs over LOW heat until you can see the bottom of the pan between strokes. When they coat a spoon dipped in the sauce, you are ready to start adding hte melted butter. Start adding the melted butter VERY SLOWLY, dribble by dribble, as you are emulsifying the eggs with the butter at this point in time. This takes patience and a steady hand. Do not give up. This sauce is completely worth it. The sauce will thicken to a heavy cream; when it does, it is stable enough for you to add the butter a little more quickly. Taste it to see if it needs anything. If not, pour it on top of your omelette, which your partner - by now - will have just completed.

DO NOT, however, dump the sauce into the compost if it does not emulsify properly. 

Should it happen that the egg yolks resist the butter (you will be able to tell because the fat will stay separate from the eggs and it will not thicken), you CAN fix this. Two sticks of butter is too much for even me to waste. Three egg yolks are negligible. To fix it, leave a little bit of the egg mixture in the bottom of your pan and pour the rest into whatever you are using to pour the butter in. Start whisking, adding the mixture back in slowly, dribble by dribble, once again. Breathe. Put it down and take a break if you must. Don't throw away two sticks of butter, for the love of all things holy.

For the Omelette:

Blanch the asparagus:

Set a pan of very salty water (it should taste akin to the ocean) on the stove to boil. When it is boiling, dump the asparagus you have cut into 1-inch segements in. They will turn bright green. Remove them after 30 seconds to one minute, depending on how crunchy you would like them to be. Set aside.

Follow the directions for the perfect omelette above, adding the asparagus when you would add the cheese and following the same process.

Cut the omelette in half and slide onto two plates. Pour a liberal amount of hollandaise over the omelettes and garnish with fresh herbs (chives or parsley are particularly delightful) if you have them. 

I love hollandaise so much that Ben has already started scheming of ways to pasteurize the egg yolks so that I do not have to give up hollandaise when I am pregnant (and no, I am not, should you be raising an eyebrow at this).